Timeline.

As many of you know, my parents are lead pastors at a church back home in Texas. This year they celebrated 35 years in ministry at this church and I had the blessing of being able to attend. This day was huge for my mom and my dad for so many reasons but this day became a huge day for me as well.

Towards the end of September my parents reached out to me and offered me the opportunity to preach at their 35 year celebration service. I was shocked, astonished, terrified, mortified, and excited all in the same beat. I accepted the invitation and immediately began to stress for the next four weeks on what I was going to say. This time was extremely revealing. I faced childhood pain rooted in comparison and inferiority, I faced the desire to quit, I faced the desire to prove/be impressive, and I faced feelings of being unqualified to do what he had clearly made possible.

Now, I’ve never spoke to a church on a Sunday Morning (or to a church at all lol) but God somehow thought it was a good idea. Speaking/preaching is something I’ve known God has Called me to do for most of my life however it was something I seriously doubted for the past 2 years. The opportunity was shocking to me honestly, I had been struggling to believe that God has called me to ministry and to preach etc. I’m surrounded by so many gifted and anointed preachers that I just thought maybe I was crazy to think that He called me too. On another hand, I honestly thought I’d speak in 5-10 years from now, definitely not NOW. There were other things on the “ministry list” that I thought he should make happen first or things that I thought would qualify me.

Something I experienced through this process like never before is God’s affirmation. Two years ago God told me I was called to vocational ministry and for the past two years I’ve been striving very hard to “get there”. Getting there for me looked like working on a church staff, then leading a ministry, helping to create change in the church, helping people grow deeper in their relationships with God, and preaching etc. In my trying to get there I stopped seeking affirmation from God. I was finding affirmation in every little opportunity I was given whether it was to sit down with someone 1 on 1 to walk them through something or to lead a 10 person small group. In this experience, God affirmed my position as his daughter in a way that downloaded a confidence that I’ve never felt. I am so confident in him and who he says I am. HE called me daughter, HE gave me the opportunity to speak, and HE affirmed the call on my life. Before this weekend I questioned the call on my life and if anyone told me I wasn’t called I’d fold. But not anymore.

Another thing I experienced through this process is that God does what he wants (lol). He is faithful to his word even when he delivers in a way you didn’t pray for. Again, two years ago God told me I was called to vocational ministry and immediately I got this image and timeline of what that would look like. I looked at the journey’s of others and created this timeline for which I thought things would happen. For the most part things were going in order. I lead a small bible study, I led small groups at church, I was asked to speak at an event, I started to be a volunteer leader over a ministry, and then God released me onto our church worship team. My next logical step was to work at a church. I spent so much time praying for this to the point that it became an idol in my heart. The desire was so strong that I began to become discontent. And out of the blue, God asks me to preach. NOT in the right order in my mind.

I’m so thankful that he did this in this way because it has given me a space to reflect and understand that God is enough. It’s given me a space to truly be affirmed by him and not my a position or a vocational job. Before I ever get paid to work for a church God affirmed me. It gave me a space to realize my timeline is irrelevant. I believe that God showed me that his timing is unpredictable and the things I know he’s told me may happen in the oddest timing and order. But he knows exactly what we need, when we need it, where we need it, and how we need the things to happen.

God has a way of answering your prayers out of the order that you think they should be answered. Something you may think that God has for you far off into the future quite possibly may be right around the corner. God is faithful.