EMOTION.
My love for music has always been deep. Music moves me and has always spoken to my feelings about life and circumstances. I’ve always had a very different taste in music than most. Music was the way that I embraced my emotions and my feelings of never fitting in. Before I really started walking with God, I used to sit for hours, cry, listen to new music, and make playlists. During this time though, I was usually inebriated and depressed so naturally when I moved to LA and really began to pursue God, I associated this practice of mine with my deep emotions, sinful actions and sinful nature. I quit listening to new music and I stopped making playlists. I gave it up. Partly because I thought my emotions would spiral but also becauseI’d often feel guilty if I listened to non-worship music. I began to lose myself in God, which is exactly where my life was hidden.
My journey with emotions has been quite long. I carry and epresss very deep emotions. It’s something I’ve grown to hate about myself. I never really understood them and it’s something that I’ve really tried to manage and get rid of because I saw them so negatively. I hated how deep things hurt but I always found myself sinking deeply into hurt and deeply painful emotions. I hated my love for it. I thought it was ungodly and annoying to those around me. My emotions were a huge reason that I didn’t feel I fit in.
A few weeks ago I asked some people who I’m very close to what they felt my God given weapon was and they both said my emotions. I was shocked because they were the things that I thought were the worst part of me. But, I began to realize that there are many good parts of me that I threw out when I surrendered my life to God. I was set on living my life fully and totally sold out for him. So, I threw the baby out with the bathwater. I did away with a-lot of things I loved, beautiful traits, activities that gave me so much joy, things that fed my creativity, and things that made me, me. So , this love for new vibey music (lol) was just one of many and is in so many ways representative of God revealing the good in those things and releasing/redeeming them into my life. It’s closely related to the revelation that my ability to feel deeply is beautiful and that it’s one of the best parts of me.
This playlist is my way of embracing my true self, embracing my wild emotions, and being comfortable with who I am as a daughter. It’s my way of finally expressing the freedom in being known for who I truly am. It’s my way of sharing my emotions with anyone who is willing to explore them and dive deep into their own with God. Ironically, this playlist is not christian in nature but it was created from a place in my heart where God resides. It was created from a place of deep emotion, which is something I think God loves about me (something I’m growing to love about myself too).
Grab a journal, sketchbook, or whatever you like to do while you listen to music and take a listen. You may know and recognize some the songs, others may be completely brand new to you. They are in no particular order, so def shuffle it up. (It’s on spotify, apple music, and tidal)
P.S Huge shoutout to my friend Benjamin Carter whose song SEVENTEEN is featured on this playlist. The song is PURE FIRE!