… I had abandoned where God had placed me. I found comfort in the idea of moving forward, changing, and transitioning out of what I thought was bad. Loving and being with God was not enough for me. But all throughout these feelings, thoughts, movements, and discomfort I kept hearing God’s voice in a whisper “Be Still”. So, I finally stopped fidgeting and I got still.

The theme of this playlist is intimacy and hopefully directs your heart towards allowing God into difficult situations and parts of your heart you’d rather keep hidden. Take a listen.

Emotional healing starts here. It starts with acknowledging that your current emotions do not match what God says or even what the people around you are experiencing and not condemning yourself for it. It’s being at peace with that fact and understanding that God sees you and knows every part of you.

The move to LA was in fact God’s intervention and it was the best thing I’ve done (besides walking with the Jesus). God was in it all along (even though my pride and insecurity were very much in it too). It makes me think the discomfort I ran from for so long was actually him chasing after me. Through it, I’ve been blessed with the gift of consistency that is completely opposite of what I perceived consistency to be. 

I’ve been challenged to combat fear in ways I’ve never had to. I’ve been challenged to put my weight on the things God has whispered to me, even the things I think are delusional. In reality, the things God says to me are probably delusional but they aren’t to him, they’re actually very small from his view in comparison to the things he has planned.

My love for music has always been deep. Music moves me and has always spoken to my feelings about life and circumstances. I’ve always had a very different taste in music than most. Music was the way that I embraced my emotions and my feelings of never fitting in.

I’ve found myself in some situations that have tested my faith in ways that I’ve never been tested. I have found myself begging God to deliver me from my hardships, provide for my needs, and make me feel better. I’ve felt defeated, helpless, and unseen by God. I’ve had moments of crying out to God “I know you love me but I don’t feel it”.

My feelings of guilt and shame usually feel the strongest right after I’ve realized what I’ve done or realized that I’m not “changing.” I try speaking into my situation that “Guilt is not of God” and “There is therefore now no condemnation…” I even try to remember that “we all sin and fall short…” I know it, yet, I don’t always feel it.

It brought me to a question that I had to really sit with. Am I content with God alone? Could I be okay without seminary, without ministry, without success, without marriage, without financial abundance for the sake of knowing Christ?