I’ve found myself in some situations that have tested my faith in ways that I’ve never been tested. I have found myself begging God to deliver me from my hardships, provide for my needs, and make me feel better. I’ve felt defeated, helpless, and unseen by God. I’ve had moments of crying out to God “I know you love me but I don’t feel it”.

My feelings of guilt and shame usually feel the strongest right after I’ve realized what I’ve done or realized that I’m not “changing.” I try speaking into my situation that “Guilt is not of God” and “There is therefore now no condemnation…” I even try to remember that “we all sin and fall short…” I know it, yet, I don’t always feel it.

It brought me to a question that I had to really sit with. Am I content with God alone? Could I be okay without seminary, without ministry, without success, without marriage, without financial abundance for the sake of knowing Christ?