It brought me to a question that I had to really sit with. Am I content with God alone? Could I be okay without seminary, without ministry, without success, without marriage, without financial abundance for the sake of knowing Christ?

I’m not saying working hard and putting in effort is a bad thing, I’m saying I’ve had to really check my heart on my motives for working hard and often neglecting the one who I say I’m doing things for, “God”… I talk my self into not giving up or saying no because of what people may think of me. I think of who I will disappoint, what opportunities may slip away, and what I may miss out on if I don’t just persevere. Rest is often the furthest thing from my mind. I find myself at times doing so much and saying yes to things even if it means I don’t spend personal time with God.

I’m writing again but this time there’s no pressure.

I realized that God never called me to be perfect. He doesn’t need me to have it all together, he wants to be with me in my imperfections. If I was perfect, I wouldn’t go to him. I wouldn’t rely on him.