I’ve found myself in some situations that have tested my faith in ways that I’ve never been tested. I have found myself begging God to deliver me from my hardships, provide for my needs, and make me feel better. I’ve felt defeated, helpless, and unseen by God. I’ve had moments of crying out to God “I know you love me but I don’t feel it”.

I thought I was better, more equipped, more ready, and more deserving. I found myself looking at other people and (to myself) pointing out things in their life I felt disqualified them from the level of elevation or success that they were given (comparison).

I found out that I tried to create a persona of who I wanted to be seen as. I saw my pride. I saw my arrogance. I saw my deceit. I saw my insecurity. I saw my weakness. I recognized why I fell into certain sin and traps in my past. I found out I was placing my identity in everything except him.

I’m writing again but this time there’s no pressure.

I realized that God never called me to be perfect. He doesn’t need me to have it all together, he wants to be with me in my imperfections. If I was perfect, I wouldn’t go to him. I wouldn’t rely on him.